Acceptance and Big Feelings: Loosening the Grip
When overwhelming emotions like anxiety, sadness, or anger show up, our first instinct is often to fight them. We tense our bodies, try to push the feelings away, or distract ourselves so we don’t have to experience them.
It’s understandable—big feelings can be uncomfortable, even frightening. But sometimes the harder we fight, the worse they get.
The Devil’s Snare Analogy
My patients know that my go-to anology for describing acceptance comes from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. In the book, Harry and his friends fall into a magical plant called Devil’s Snare. They soon learn that the more they struggle to break free, the tighter it wraps around them. The only way to escape is to stop resisting and relax, which causes the plant to loosen its grip.
Anxiety and other strong emotions can be a lot like Devil’s Snare:
Fight them → They tighten and intensify.
Allow them → They often soften and pass more quickly.
What Acceptance Really Means
Acceptance isn’t about liking or approving of the feeling. It’s about:
Letting the feeling be there without adding extra struggle
Acknowledging your inner experience without judgment
Making room for the discomfort so you can still live your life
This approach comes from mindfulness and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). It recognizes that fighting your inner experience often adds a second layer of suffering—like trying to escape the Devil’s Snare by thrashing around.
Why Acceptance Helps
Reduces the “struggle layer”
Fighting emotions adds tension and fear on top of the original feeling. Acceptance removes that extra layer.
Keeps you present
Instead of being swept away by “What if?” or “This is terrible,” you stay grounded in the here and now.
Builds emotional flexibility
The more you practice allowing feelings, the less power they have to control your behavior.
Tips for Practicing Acceptance with Big Feelings
1. Name It
Label the emotion: “I am feeling worried about this.” Naming it can help create space between you and the feeling.
2. Breathe and Loosen
Imagine your muscles softening around the feeling, like Harry relaxing in the Devil’s Snare.
3. Drop the Judgment
Avoid telling yourself you “shouldn’t” feel this way. Replace judgment with curiosity: “Interesting, I’m feeling this in my chest right now.”
4. Focus on What You Can Do Now
Ask: “Given this feeling is here, what’s one small step I can take toward what matters to me?”
5. Practice in Small Doses
Try acceptance with smaller discomforts first—like waiting in a long line or sitting with mild frustration—so you can build the skill before bigger emotions show up.
Like Devil’s Snare, our emotions often grip tighter when we resist. Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up—it means letting go of the struggle so we can move with more freedom. By making space for big feelings, we give ourselves room to breathe, think, and act in ways that align with our values—even when emotions are intense.
