The Importance of Letting Kids Fail—and How Parents Can Support Them Through It
During a freshman orientation Q&A session I attended when I was working as a college administrator, a parent asked the director of the counseling center what his #1 piece of advice was for parents of new college students. He thought for a minute and said, “Let them fail.” His answer was unexpected, but his explanation was memorable to me as a young professional and now as a psychologist. As parents, it’s natural to want to protect children from disappointment, frustration, or setbacks. Watching your child struggle can feel painful, and the urge to step in and “fix it” is strong. But here’s the truth: failure is not only inevitable, it’s essential for growth. When kids are allowed to stumble, they build resilience, learn problem-solving, and develop confidence in their ability to bounce back. Shielding them from failure, though well-intentioned, can rob them of the chance to develop these crucial life skills.
What “Letting Kids Fail” Looks Like
Letting kids fail doesn’t mean leaving them without guidance or support. It looks like:
Allowing natural consequences to happen (forgetting homework means facing the teacher’s response).
Encouraging them to try hard things, even when success isn’t guaranteed.
Resisting the urge to jump in and solve problems for them.
Supporting effort rather than guaranteeing outcomes (“I admire how hard you’re working,” instead of “You’re so good at that”).
Helping them reflect on what didn’t work and brainstorm what to try differently next time.
Why It Matters
1. Builds Resilience
Failure teaches kids that setbacks are temporary and survivable. They learn to get back up after falling down.
2. Strengthens Problem-Solving Skills
When kids face challenges without instant rescue, they learn to think creatively and independently.
3. Fosters Confidence
Confidence doesn’t come from constant success—it comes from knowing you can handle difficulty and still move forward.
4. Normalizes Mistakes as Part of Learning
When parents model acceptance of failure, kids learn that mistakes aren’t shameful—they’re stepping stones to growth.
5. Prepares Them for Adulthood
Life is full of challenges, rejections, and setbacks. Having opportunities to practice handling these as children gives them the emotional tools they’ll need later.
Common Barriers for Parents
Fear their child will feel discouraged or lose self-esteem
Anxiety about their child “falling behind” academically or socially
Guilt about not stepping in
Pressure from other parents or societal expectations for constant achievement
These barriers are real—but pushing past them can benefit both the parent and the child.
How Therapy Can Help Parents Navigate This
Therapy offers parents a supportive space to:
Work through their own fears of letting their child fail
Reflect on family or cultural beliefs about achievement and success
Learn how to set healthy limits while still offering encouragement
Develop language for supporting effort and resilience, not just outcomes
Build confidence in allowing their child to experience frustration safely
Failure doesn’t mean the end—it means a new beginning. When parents allow their children to face challenges, stumble, and recover, they give them the gift of resilience, confidence, and independence. Therapy can help parents navigate the discomfort of stepping back, while equipping them with tools to raise children who are strong enough to thrive in the real world.
