How to Self-Soothe (and Why This Skill Matters)
When emotions run high, whether from anxiety, stress, anger, or exhaustion, it can feel as though your mind and body are working against you. Your heart races, thoughts spiral, and everything seems urgent or unmanageable. In those moments, self-soothing is one of the most important skills you can practice. Self-soothing is the ability to calm yourself down when you’re dysregulated. It doesn’t mean ignoring your emotions or pretending everything is fine, but finding ways to bring your nervous system back to balance so you can think clearly, feel grounded, and respond (rather than react).
Why Self-Soothing Matters
When you’re overwhelmed, your body’s stress response kicks in. Your sympathetic nervous system floods you with adrenaline and cortisol, preparing you to fight, flee, or freeze. While this can be helpful in emergencies, it’s exhausting (and not useful for most modern stressors). Self-soothing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, the part responsible for rest, recovery, and emotional regulation. The more you practice calming your body, the more quickly you can recover from stress. Over time, this builds emotional resilience and confidence, as you learn to handle big feelings without being overwhelmed by them.
Simple Self-Soothing Techniques
Here are a variety of ways to calm your body and mind when you’re dysregulated. Experiment to find what works best for you.
1. Ground Through the Senses
Bring your attention to the present by engaging your senses:
Sight: Look for five things around you of a certain color.
Touch: Hold something textured or comforting, like a smooth stone or soft blanket.
Sound: Listen closely to background noises or calming music.
Smell: Use essential oils, a candle, or your favorite soap.
Taste: Sip tea, mint, or something grounding.
2. Breathe Deeply and Slowly
Intentional breathing slows your heart rate and signals safety to your body. Try:
Box Breathing: Inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4.
4-7-8 Breathing: Inhale for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8.
Even one minute can make a noticeable difference.
3. Move Your Body
Gentle physical activity helps release stress hormones and regulate mood.
Take a short walk.
Stretch your arms, neck, and shoulders.
Try progressive muscle relaxation: tensing and releasing one muscle group at a time.
4. Offer Comfort
Small, nurturing actions can help the nervous system reset.
Wrap yourself in a soft blanket.
Take a warm shower or bath.
Make a cup of tea or a soothing snack.
5. Use Self-Talk That Grounds and Reassures
Speak to yourself the way you would to a loved one:
“I’m safe right now.”
“This feeling will pass.”
“I can handle this one step at a time.”
6. Engage in Rhythmic or Repetitive Action
Rhythmic movement (like walking, rocking, knitting, or gentle drumming) naturally regulates the nervous system.
7. Create a Calming Environment
Lower lighting, play calming sounds, tidy your space, or go outside. Your surroundings can cue your body toward calm.
How Therapy Can Help
If self-soothing feels difficult, or you find yourself overwhelmed frequently, therapy can help you understand why and build personalized strategies for regulation. In therapy, you can:
Identify emotional triggers and patterns of dysregulation.
Learn grounding, mindfulness, and cognitive-behavioral techniques tailored to your needs.
Explore how past experiences may shape your reactions to stress.
Practice emotional regulation skills in a supportive, judgment-free space.
Therapy provides both the tools and the insight needed to respond to stress with calm and self-compassion. Learning to self-soothe isn’t about eliminating stress; it’s about learning to meet it with steadiness and care. Every time you practice calming yourself, you reinforce trust in your own capacity to cope. Over time, that trust becomes one of the strongest foundations for emotional health.
